Do you want to leave a narcissist and get your life back? Do you want to know how to tell a narcissist goodbye? In this post, I’m going to show you the exact phases of how to leave a narcissist, as a survivor of narcissistic abuse myself.
How common is narcissism?
Narcissists can cause severe problems in your life. The consequences of their behavior can affect us severely before we even become aware of it.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Prevalence
How common is narcissism? The official statistics state that narcissistic personality disorder makes up between 0.5 – 1% of the entire world population, which means that one person in a group of 100 people could easily be a narcissist. More statistics here. Source: Medscape.com
You may encounter a narcissist on a daily basis. A narcissist can be your loved one, a friend, a member of your family, or romantic love. Your parents can be narcissists too. For example, the term narcissist mother is being googled more than 20,000 times each month worldwide!
How to recognize a narcissistic person?
Narcissism is a personality disorder with some easily noticeable traits. However, some of them are not so easy to observe quickly. But once you get familiar with these traits, you’ll be able to recognize their psychological profile and behavioral patterns. Often they are being referred to as narcissistic sociopaths, due to their total lack of empathy.
Remember!Narcissistic personality disorder affects both men and women. Their victims are also empathic men and women. This is not just a male or female personality disorder exclusively, since we may have narcissistic mothers, fathers, partners, friends, etc…
The 10 most prominent narcissistic signs
1. They are highly manipulative – they will use you to complete their goals by playing with your emotions. They do not restrain from lying
2. They are very sensitive to their physical appearance and how people see them
3. Oversensitivity to criticism is their major characteristic, and their rage can escalate quickly
4. They do not take responsibility for their actions; a narcissistic is never to blame for anything
5. They are vindictive. If you do not play by their rules, they will have a desire to destroy you
6. Taking control is their thing. They like to have other people and things under their control
7. They seek validation, because deep inside they are deeply insecure
8. Fear is their dominant emotion, because they are scared that they might be abandoned, ashamed, or exposed who they are
9. Feel no empathy – They cannot assess the consequences of their actions on others
10. They’re superficial – They like to surround themselves with attractive and successful people because it boosts their self-confidence
What is narcissistic abuse?
Narcissistic abuse is a severe form of narcissistic emotional, mental, physical, sexual or financial abuse. The narcissist deploys different mind games to control the victim. It is the most severe, most calculated and most complex form of narcissistic abuse. Some of the tactics of narcissistic abuse include verbal abuse, aggression, emotional blackmail, exploitation, sabotage, physical abuse, and violence, lying, gaslighting.
Effects of narcissistic abuse
If you don’t take care of yourself, they leave you drained and exhausted. What’s worse, you are questioning yourself and your mental sanity due to their supreme manipulative skills. Leaving a narcissistic person may even seem impossible and you may see no way out.
If you tolerate it for too long…
As a result of their game, your self-confidence starts to decline substantially. You begin to feel worthless, and that way they gain power over you. Before you even manage to understand what’s going on, they have you under your control. There lies their abusive power.
Eventually, you stop believing in a salvation
You’ll end up wondering how to tell a narcissist goodbye and the answer might seem elusive. However, there’s always a solution to all the suffering.
Narcissist abuse symptoms
What is the right time to end the relationship with them? As soon as you feel any of the narcissistic abuse symptoms listed here:
- significant self-esteem decline
- feeling worthless
- feeling helpless and under his/her control
- You’re influenced by his/her behavior
- Feeling manipulated and isolated from others
- question your own sanity
- self-blame
- devalued self-worth
- justifying a narcissist’s acts
- feeling sorry for her/him
Quick tips on how to leave a narcissist
The very essence of this process is to distance yourself from a narcissistic in every possible way, which means:
- Tell them you’re done with them with no further explanations
- Cut all contacts with a narcissist & block him/her everywhere
- Block common friends
- Use your terrible experience with a narcissist to learn and grow
- Give yourself time to move on and heal
- Start a new and better life and find new hobbies.
How do you distance yourself from a narcissist?
The best solution is to distance yourself as much as possible. Limit your contacts & stop answering the calls. Reveal little or none information about yourself to the narcissist. Moreover, show no interest in them.
Be persistent and eventually a narcissist will start looking for another victim.
I know this is easier said than done, especially if the narcissist has got you under his/he control. That’s why I wrote this blog post to help you see that there’s always a way out, no matter how life becomes tough.
And one, a perhaps most severe consequence of being exposed to a narcissist is narcissistic abuse syndrome.
Can a narcissist change?
A short and straightforward answer – NO. A narcissist doesn’t have the ability to change his/her behavior in most cases. It’s harsh but true. They are toxic people without any desire and ability to change. The same applies to covert narcissists. They cannot change, simply because they don’t see that there’s something wrong with them. That’s just a part of their personality disorder. They have a grandiose image about themselves, and they don’t accept they have any weaknesses.
Narcissists will never tell you the truth. They live with the fear of abandonment and can’t deal with facing their own shame. Therefore, they will twist the truth, downplay their behavior, blame others and say whatever it takes to remain the victim. They are master manipulators and conartists that don’t believe you are smart enough to figure out the depth of their disloyalty. Their needs will always be more important than telling you any truth that isn’t in their favor..
― Shannon L. Alder
Covert narcissist signs
Apart from the regular narcissistic personality traits, there are also covert narcissist which are harder to spot. They may seem timid and quiet, but yet there are some discerning characteristics of covert narcissists:
- passive-aggressive behavior
- very sensitive
- noticeable lack of empathy
- easy-to-spot superiority beliefs
- can be extremely nice and polite
- cold and calculated
The highly sensitive person and the narcissist
Why is this combination so frequent, and seemingly so natural? The highly sensitive person and the narcissists often match with the devastating consequences for the empaths themselves.
The highly sensitive persons (HSP) and the narcissists are at the opposite side of the empathy spectrum. The empaths have an abundance of it, while the narcissists have none of it.
Naturally, narcissists want to take advantage of the HSP and use their excessive empathy to get what they want. On the other side, the idealistic and empathetic nature of HSPs genuinely believes that a narcissist can change positively. Moreover, HSPs offer their help and support in abundance.
Do you need help on how to tell a narcissist goodbye?
If you experience hard times with a narcissist in your life, I prepared you a detailed guide on how to tell a narcissist goodbye for good. I’ve been through this myself. I can proudly say that I survived a narcissist. It wasn’t a piece of cake though.
My Narcissist Abuse Recovery Program
Unfortunately, I know how it’s hard to leave a narcissist since I write from my personal perspective. However, I tried to make this process easier and more comfortable for you.
Here is a valuable tool to help you take one step at a time. With it, you can detach from a narcissist and finally regain control over your life.
Learn more in this link:
- Sale!
How does it work?
As a narcissistic abuse survivor myself, I used my experience and struggles as an inspiration. My struggle was manifested via different phases and feelings until I managed to recover and go on with my life. I developed my worksheets with a desire to support people in their struggle with narcissists.
My program will make it easier for people to make essential actions and steps towards their liberation from narcissists. It will be a silent guide they can rely on.
What to do to get over a narcissist?
If things have gone too far, it’s the time to kick them out of your life. You will need a lot of strength and determination because they will not make it easier for you.
It won’t be easy though
They will use all the available means of manipulation to persuade you to stick with them as long as it works fine for them. They won’t let you go that easily.
What I know:
This process requires a lot of energy and strength. The best way to say goodbye to a narcissist is to stick to your decision no matter what and use all of your power and energy to survive the ordeals caused by them in the meanwhile.
Numerous issues on how to tell a narcissist goodbye, like forever
You are wondering how to tell a narcissist goodbye & how to get out of their vicious cycle. Certain questions may be hovering over your head: Is there a goodbye letter you can write to them? How to make them believe it’s over? How to detach from a narcissist once for all? How to beat narcissists in their game?
The process is going to be far from easy since the narcissistic personality disorder is a very severe condition, according to psychology. This will be an unpleasant and grueling struggle to regain control over your life. Leaving a narcissist alone is a tiresome process, sometimes referred to as “cutting the cord with a narcissist.”
Be prepared:
The narcissist will test your limits and tolerance all along the way. That type of person will do any hoax, trick, and invent tall stories to make you believe he/she changed.
Once you become aware of the magnitude of narcissistic manipulation, bear that in your mind always. Narcissistic people cannot change. They can only pretend very well.
Best way to say goodbye to a narcissist in phases
I have divided this process into phases you need to go through to be able to get rid of the narcissist for good. Each of the phases is equally important and has its challenges you need to overcome.
To recap again, here are the phases I have developed and included in my narcissistic abuse worksheets:
- Awakening phase
- Mollifying the consequences of a narcissistic relationship
- Time for action
- Persistence against the attacks
- Emotional healing
- Getting back to normal life
Awakening phase
It’s hard to break the illusion that you live in when you’re with a narcissist due to their tremendous deceptive abilities. Accepting the reality is painful and harsh, but it is of crucial importance for your emotional healing.
No one can fool you forever
A narcissistic person can fool you for a specified period of time, but not your whole life as he/she would want.
The awakening process happens sooner or later. Usually, awakening comes when the consequences of dealing with a narcissist become severe and devastating.
How did I get here?
Your quality of life may drastically decline, suspicion rises, and your self-respect and mental health deteriorate. This is the vital stage of this process. You may know by now that to get over a narcissist is a hard and painful process, but you need to keep going.
Once you become aware of the harsh reality, you know it’s the time to make some decisions and take actions.
Mollifying the consequences of a narcissistic relationship
I know it’s not easy:
Taking the appropriate actions against a narcissist is not easy at all. A strong and decisive action requires self-confidence and self-respect. But you’re likely to be weak and exhausted from the constant battles with a narcissist.
What’s even worse:
If a narcissist is in your environment, building up your self-respect will be a daunting task. However, you have to persevere.
Let’s see some positive things:
This phase is mostly about introspection, assessing your values, and regaining your self-confidence. This is the phase you can turn to yourself.
Here you need to learn self-love and self-compassion.
Forgive yourself for this bad experience you got involved.
Nurture yourself. You deserve true and genuine self-love.
Develop a feeling of self-worth. You are worthy of happiness and a peaceful life.
A narcissist will find a way to make this harder for you
They can feel even the tiny changes in your behavior, and they are ready to start a fight if they notice the things are out of their control.
A narcissist will use all the available resources to make this harder for you, but your happiness and mental health are at stake. His/her behavior will only speed up the third phase.
Time for action
To get over a narcissist requires some action. This is the core of this process. All actions come down to the same things: lowering the impact of a narcissist in your life and distancing yourself.
Set firm borders
However, you can not distance yourself totally if a narcissist is your family member, but you can set him/her firm borders that are not allowed to cross. Also, you need to state that a person that he/she has no control over you anymore.
A narcissist will cry, beg, and promise drastic changes in his/her behavior
However, a narcissist will not let you go that easily. He/she will cry, beg, promise significant behavioral changes, or start acting differently just to impress you. Please don’t be fooled.
Don’t be fooled though…
Psychology has proved that a narcissist cannot change that drastically and efficiently, so that is another way of their manipulation.
No use of explaining to them what’s going on and why you have to leave them, they will not understand. The best thing is just to leave.
Persistence against all attacks
But we’re not done yet. A narcissist will be persistent, but you need to be even more persistent and decisive. A narcissist will eventually conclude that he/she has lost you.
Be prepared:
In this phase, he/she will try to humiliate and downgrade you as much as he/she can. Spreading gossips can also be a part of their strategy. But don’t fall for that. These actions are their last attempts to deal with you.
Just put on ignore…
The best way to say goodbye to a narcissist is to ignore all their attacks in this phase. It’s unpleasant, horrible and rude – I know, but this is just their tactic to intimidate you.
In this phase, their contempt will be apparent to see.
Emotional healing time
It’s time to heal your wounds, find your inner peace, relax, and treat your experience as a valuable life lesson. Try to learn as much as you can from this bad experience and move on. Work on raising your self-esteem along the way to stop the narcissists keep coming back to you.
Give yourself the answers to these questions:
What have I learned?
What are the characteristics of the narcissistic persons you were close to?
What can you expect from that type of persons?
How to recognize them quickly?
How to walk away painlessly?
Why me?
Also, think about yourself and the role you had in this type of relationship. Perhaps you are a sensitive person, an empath, and they were acting like victims.
Or maybe you were insecure and convinced that you couldn’t do better?
Try to understand the reasons that attracted you to a narcissist, because it can help you avoid that pattern of relations in the future.
Get back to your normal life
Finally, this is the phase to continue with your life, focus on yourself, and make new plans.
We have finally got here…
But always be aware of the lesson the narcissist gave you, you’ll never know when you need it. Also, narcissistic persons have similar behavioral patterns, so that you can use this experience to avoid other narcissists in the future.
How to get your Narcissistic Recovery Worksheets?
My narcissistic abuse recovery worksheets are just for you if you’ve been struggling to get rid of the narcissists in your life. You don’t know where to start, but you’re ready to put your effort to become free again.
To point this out again: I am aware that leaving a narcissist is an extremely tough process that I had to go over myself. Therefore, I collected my useful experience and found a way to help all of you who still suffer.
Therefore, I wrote this post and created Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Worksheets you can find under my Shop section. Or, click the link below.
| Simple click the link to visit the product page |
Saying Goodbye to Narcissist – FAQs
Now let’s refer to some common questions regarding this issue with narcissists.
Can a narcissist love you?
Unfortunately, the answer is no. A narcissist can’t love you. They are not tied to the concept of love like normal persons. They do not feel affection and attachment to others. However, they can act like they love you and it can truly seem to you that a narcissist loves you.
How to confuse a narcissist?
To confuse a narcissist, beat them in their game. Be blunt, direct, and tell them it’s clear to you how they are. Tell them you’re aware of their actions and they’ll feel they have no real power of you. Most narcissists are driven by their sense of shame they would never admit, and you can point this out to them. They’ll be astounded and confused.
How do you move on from a narcissist?
What you can do is to focus on yourself and your healing process. You can find a therapist specialised in narcissistic personality disorders to make this process easier for you.
Give yourself time to heal and grieve. It’s ok to feel pain and grieve. After all, you loved that person sincerely. Keep yourself busy to distract your thought and find new fulfilling hobbies.
How will a narcissist react if I tell him goodbye?
The most probable scenario is that they will be extremely angry, disbelieving what they hear. A narcissist believes he/she is the one that dictates the rules of the game. They believe that they have the right to sat when it’s over. A narcissist won’t let you have the last word. If you tell a narcissist goodbye, he will certainly be up to some revenge.
Can a narcissist say goodbye first?
Yes, if a narcissist believes it’s time for a new supply. If he believes he has drained you and took advantage of you, he can decide to leave and pursue new victims.
How to tell a narcissist it’s over?
The best way is not to tell him, because the narcissist won’t accept it. You’ll have to cut all the communication with him, block him everywhere, and be out of sight. You just have to forget about them and act like he never existed.
Is a goodbye letter or texting a good way to tell goodbye to a narcissist?
Again, no. A narcissist won’t accept it. You have to steer clear and out of sight, block him anywhere and avoid all the communication at all costs. A narcissist will try to find you, but you need to act like you’re not interested.
I'm a blogger and idealist. I've been exploring mindfulness, mental health, and other psychology and personal growth topics for years. I strive for harmony, self-improvement, inner peace and perfection. I am a narcissist abuse victims advocate and an empath.
Contact: sonja@upbeatimpulse.com
